As I sit to write this, I'm terrified... To see countdown to 30 right there in black and white is daunting. I guess what's scaring me is that I feel like I'm having an identity crisis. That makes me chuckle a little but I am. I've been freaking out about turning thirty for months now and I think I can finally articulate why: I had this long list of things I wanted to have done/accomplished/experienced before this time in my life.
That saying "Want to make God laugh - tell Him your plans" is going through my head.
I bet he's laughing pretty hard at me right now.
Don't ask me why I can't just sit and be content with where I am in life. To help me be content, I have challenged myself to make a list of what I have gotten to experience so far. It's a nice reminder to focus on what I have done and not on what I haven't done. That being said, there is one thing I haven't done before 30 that I've tried to do a million times: complete a fitness challenge.
So today, October 1st, I began the 30 Day Shred. I've done the beginner workouts a few times before but never stayed with it long enough to get past workout 1. That changes now... Day 1 is completed. It wasn't easy but I did it. The hardest part was the emotional obstacles I put in front of myself. I know that I need to quit "shoulding" all over myself. It stops today.
The countdown starts - I have 30 days to complete this goal. And dangit, I'm going to do it!!!!
Monday, October 1, 2012
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
My, how things have changed!
Okay, so I've been REALLY bad at writing on this! I should make myself do it every month, but I don't and I haven't been. Oh well!!! I'm here now and that's what matters, right?
Since I haven't posted on this for 18 months or so, I thought an update or 2 might be in store. In the last 18 months, I have ended a relationship and began a new one. I won't bore you with the details of the first part of 2010 (mostly because they just aren't important anymore) but I will say that when I met Shay, it was at a time in my life when I was finally doing what I wanted to do. For the first time in so long, I felt like me again. Shay & I met because I happen to be really close with his sister (we worked for the same bank at different branches) and she invited me to a concert with her family. He was there, we started talking, and the rest, as they say is history!
Since I haven't posted on this for 18 months or so, I thought an update or 2 might be in store. In the last 18 months, I have ended a relationship and began a new one. I won't bore you with the details of the first part of 2010 (mostly because they just aren't important anymore) but I will say that when I met Shay, it was at a time in my life when I was finally doing what I wanted to do. For the first time in so long, I felt like me again. Shay & I met because I happen to be really close with his sister (we worked for the same bank at different branches) and she invited me to a concert with her family. He was there, we started talking, and the rest, as they say is history!
In light of the pasts we each have, "Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts has become my theme for us.
"Every long lost dream led me to where you are. Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars pointing me on my way into your loving arms. This much I know is true: God blessed the broken road that led me straight you."
I feel that exact way about him. He has taught me that it is okay to be me - he loves my faults & quirks, weaknesses & strengths. Unconditionally. Don't know how I got so lucky, but somehow I did!!!
This is us at the Rodeo on Cheyenne Day at CFD
Next update: I started Grad school!! Yes, that's right 5 years outta college I finally decided I did NOT want to be at a bank for the rest of my life. I applied to the University of Wyoming Counselor Education program and after what felt like a lifetime - found out I GOT IN!!
I moved to Laramie in January. I was being optimistic I would get in. Plus, while Cheyenne is only 45 mins away, the traveling back & forth to see Shay was getting old. He already lived in Laramie so it was easy! Classes started in June and I've been in the training clinic with clients since September. Man, what a ride it has been!!!! I'm loving every moment of it! Yes, there have been TONS of papers and THOUSANDS of pages of reading but I have also made some amazing friends!!! I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would meet so many fabulous people! But I have and I am now blessed enough to call them my friends!!!
I moved to Laramie in January. I was being optimistic I would get in. Plus, while Cheyenne is only 45 mins away, the traveling back & forth to see Shay was getting old. He already lived in Laramie so it was easy! Classes started in June and I've been in the training clinic with clients since September. Man, what a ride it has been!!!! I'm loving every moment of it! Yes, there have been TONS of papers and THOUSANDS of pages of reading but I have also made some amazing friends!!! I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would meet so many fabulous people! But I have and I am now blessed enough to call them my friends!!!
Shelley & Michaela - two of the most amazing people I've ever been blessed to know!!!
Pokes games would not be the same without them!!! :)
Pokes games would not be the same without them!!! :)
They are also 2 of the funniest girls I know!!!
Me & my girls on Halloween
Me, Angela, Shelley, & Micheala
Me, Angela, Shelley, & Micheala
Diego, Nathan, Angela & Shelley
Diego & Nate are my amazing Ghubs!!
Angela has become the big sister I never had growing up :)
Diego & Nate are my amazing Ghubs!!
Angela has become the big sister I never had growing up :)
I thank God everyday that He put this group of people in my life!!
I love them dearly and am honored to be on this grad school journey with them!!!
I love them dearly and am honored to be on this grad school journey with them!!!
While my life in Laramie has been moving along smoothly, my family has continued to change! Grant moved out here in April and is living with Jill & her lil family. Tyler is growing like a weed!!! I can hardly believe how big he is! He turned 3 this year!!! Regardless of how old he gets, he will always be my favorite lil man though!
Ty & Uncle Shay at the Frontier Days Parade this summer
Dawn had a baby this year too! Now I have a nephew & a niece!! Payton Miche'le was born in February and has all of us wrapped around her lil chubby fingers!!!
My lil niece & nephew back in the Spring
Payton & me on my birthday - she's almost 9 months old already!
Well, that's my update on my lil life. Hope you enjoyed it! I promise, I'll try to be better about writing on this thing!! With more pictures too!!! :)
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
12 Years and Counting....
"Has it really been 'fill in the blank' years?"
I find myself asking that every year around this time. 12 years... wow... it's hard to think that I've been without Mom for that long. I was 15 when she died... now I'm 27... that's almost half my life. Again I say, wow...
In 12 years, I guess I have learned a few "tricks" on how to get through (aka - survive) this time of year. The first is I remember what those last months with her were like. I remember she took my sisters, a friend, and me to a Jaci Valesquez, Clay Crosse, & Sunday Drive concert about a month before her surgery. We went to a Christian bookstore for a meet-n-greet and got home really late. But what a blast!!! :) I remember Mom and I going shopping for my turnabout dress that year - it was green and we got it at some shop in LaGrange. It took FOREVER to find the right one but I loved it. I remember the night of turnabout - she wanted to hear ALLLLLL about it when I got home. And, yes, I told her ALLLLL about it. lol. I remember wanting to go see The Man in the Iron Mask with a boy but since I wasn't 16 yet, the initial answer was "no." After what seemed like HOURS of begging, I was finally allowed to go - with very specific rules "No hand holding. No kissing. Don't sit too close ("Mom, the seats are right next to each other!") No sharing a drink." Lol... she was funny.
Yes, remembering helps me heal. But, it also makes the hurt all that much more real. I wonder, do my sisters have these kinds of memories? I'm sure they have their own, but how much do they actually remember? I feel guilty sometimes that I had so much more time with her than they did. When you're that young, a few years can seem like a lifetime! I know I can't do anything about that but still.... yeah, that's part of the problem. I can't do anything about it and I want to. At the end of the day, I'm still a big sister with a need to protect my little sisters - regardless of the fact that they are both in their 20s and one is a mother herself now. I guess they will always be little girls to me. And I will always be their big sister. That's not changing any time soon. Don't get me wrong - it's not like we don't talk about her - we do. All the time. Mom is not a taboo subject when it comes to the three of us. We just don't discuss what we don't remember about her... instead we giggle and smile about what we do.
It's crazy to look back on the last 12 years of my life and see the child I was to the woman I've become. Makes me ponder how our life events shape who we become... I mean, who would I be if I hadn't lost Mom so young... would I be the woman of faith I am? Would have I gone to Bible College? Would I have moved to Wyoming? There's a lot more questions than that but you get the idea... have you ever thought about that? Think of one thing that's happened in your life - big or small thing... got it? K, now, what if it never happened? How would your life be different? Kinda makes your head spin, huh?
Guess it just goes to show that there is a greater plan to all this and even in the darkest times, He knows what He is doing. We don't have to worry - He's going to get us through this thing called life. Phew! That's a relief! But, with that relief comes another question - if He's going to get me through, why do I try to do on my own so much?!?!
I think that topic will have to be a whole different blog!!!!
I find myself asking that every year around this time. 12 years... wow... it's hard to think that I've been without Mom for that long. I was 15 when she died... now I'm 27... that's almost half my life. Again I say, wow...
In 12 years, I guess I have learned a few "tricks" on how to get through (aka - survive) this time of year. The first is I remember what those last months with her were like. I remember she took my sisters, a friend, and me to a Jaci Valesquez, Clay Crosse, & Sunday Drive concert about a month before her surgery. We went to a Christian bookstore for a meet-n-greet and got home really late. But what a blast!!! :) I remember Mom and I going shopping for my turnabout dress that year - it was green and we got it at some shop in LaGrange. It took FOREVER to find the right one but I loved it. I remember the night of turnabout - she wanted to hear ALLLLLL about it when I got home. And, yes, I told her ALLLLL about it. lol. I remember wanting to go see The Man in the Iron Mask with a boy but since I wasn't 16 yet, the initial answer was "no." After what seemed like HOURS of begging, I was finally allowed to go - with very specific rules "No hand holding. No kissing. Don't sit too close ("Mom, the seats are right next to each other!") No sharing a drink." Lol... she was funny.
Yes, remembering helps me heal. But, it also makes the hurt all that much more real. I wonder, do my sisters have these kinds of memories? I'm sure they have their own, but how much do they actually remember? I feel guilty sometimes that I had so much more time with her than they did. When you're that young, a few years can seem like a lifetime! I know I can't do anything about that but still.... yeah, that's part of the problem. I can't do anything about it and I want to. At the end of the day, I'm still a big sister with a need to protect my little sisters - regardless of the fact that they are both in their 20s and one is a mother herself now. I guess they will always be little girls to me. And I will always be their big sister. That's not changing any time soon. Don't get me wrong - it's not like we don't talk about her - we do. All the time. Mom is not a taboo subject when it comes to the three of us. We just don't discuss what we don't remember about her... instead we giggle and smile about what we do.
It's crazy to look back on the last 12 years of my life and see the child I was to the woman I've become. Makes me ponder how our life events shape who we become... I mean, who would I be if I hadn't lost Mom so young... would I be the woman of faith I am? Would have I gone to Bible College? Would I have moved to Wyoming? There's a lot more questions than that but you get the idea... have you ever thought about that? Think of one thing that's happened in your life - big or small thing... got it? K, now, what if it never happened? How would your life be different? Kinda makes your head spin, huh?
Guess it just goes to show that there is a greater plan to all this and even in the darkest times, He knows what He is doing. We don't have to worry - He's going to get us through this thing called life. Phew! That's a relief! But, with that relief comes another question - if He's going to get me through, why do I try to do on my own so much?!?!
I think that topic will have to be a whole different blog!!!!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
::insert clever title here::
Well, I've had this blog now for over a week now and I've only posted one thing... maybe I should post another huh? Here goes nothing!
I'm through Week 1 of my Couch To 5k Training plan. So far, so good. Talk to me in a few weeks and we'll see if I'm still as optimistic! lol The 5k is at the end of June and my Dad might be out here then. That's an added bonus for me wanting to do it - how cool would it be to have my dad there when I cross the finish, in addition to the rest of my fanclub who'll be cheering me on? He has been one of my biggest supporters in my "I hate the scale" journey. He did weight watchers and lost a TON of weight. Talk about being an inspiration for me! :)
I spent the afternoon yesterday at my sister's house while she did my hair. My nephew had me laughing the whole time. I can't believe how fast he's growing!!!! He's 18 months now and LOVES everything!! If you laugh, he laughs. If you do the Hoky poky, he tries to do the Hoky Poky. He talks a ton - even if you can only understand a few words here & there. When I walked in yesterday he said "Hi Nah-nah!!" We think maybe it's his word for Auntie? Dunno... but it was cute!!! Yeah, he's a hoot!!!
Not much else to report in the world of April.... check back though!!! Something cool might happen!!! lol
Thanks for reading :)
I'm through Week 1 of my Couch To 5k Training plan. So far, so good. Talk to me in a few weeks and we'll see if I'm still as optimistic! lol The 5k is at the end of June and my Dad might be out here then. That's an added bonus for me wanting to do it - how cool would it be to have my dad there when I cross the finish, in addition to the rest of my fanclub who'll be cheering me on? He has been one of my biggest supporters in my "I hate the scale" journey. He did weight watchers and lost a TON of weight. Talk about being an inspiration for me! :)
I spent the afternoon yesterday at my sister's house while she did my hair. My nephew had me laughing the whole time. I can't believe how fast he's growing!!!! He's 18 months now and LOVES everything!! If you laugh, he laughs. If you do the Hoky poky, he tries to do the Hoky Poky. He talks a ton - even if you can only understand a few words here & there. When I walked in yesterday he said "Hi Nah-nah!!" We think maybe it's his word for Auntie? Dunno... but it was cute!!! Yeah, he's a hoot!!!
Not much else to report in the world of April.... check back though!!! Something cool might happen!!! lol
Thanks for reading :)
Monday, February 8, 2010
My Near Future To-Do List
I've been inspired. I know a few people who make Bucket Lists for the year - stuff they want to achieve before December 31st. They don't make long lists but they set goals for themselves for the year. I have another friend who just has a Bucket List. He has 100 things written down in a notebook that he wants to do before kicks the bucket. I love both of these ideas!!! So, thanks to these amazing people I am blessed enough to call friends, I have put together a list... part 2010, part Bucket. I'm calling it "My Near Future To-Do List."
1. Run a 5k - okay, stop laughing. If you know me at all, you probably have heard me say "I don't run unless I'm being chased." Well, I've decided that I'm going to give it a try willingly. lol. I tried last summer but quit after 3 weeks because it hurt. Yes. I'm a wuss. Not this time!! There's a 5k at the end of June here in Cheyenne and I'm becoming more determined to run in it. Am I scared? Terrified!!! Will it hurt? Probably. Can I do it? Absolutely. So, here goes nothing!
2. Learn to snowboard - Since I'm making this list in February, the snow sport season is almost over for now. However, it begins again in November so I have hope for this one! This one will also probably hurt! lol
3. Go down a Black diamond run - to do this, I'm probably going to need to do a little more skiing a little more often. But, one day!!
4. Use my new sewing machine and make myself something cool - a skirt for work, a nice vest, something! :)
5. Do something crazy - I'm not sure what this one will be but I can't wait to find out!!!
6. Lose 20 lbs - this seems like such a girlie one!!! But, it's on the list nonetheless.
7. Visit a new country - don't know if this will happen this year but I think it's definitely doable in the next few years!!
8. Go see a show on Broadway in NYC - I love musicals. Pretty sure I get it from my mom. :) What better place to see a musical than on Broadway?!?!
9. Visit NYC - if I'm going to Broadway, I might as well so see the Statue of Liberty, Central Park, & a few other places right? I mean, why not?! :)
10. Learn to fly fish - I started to learn last year but I have a ways to go before I would say I'm good at it so I figure it's okay to put it on the list for this year. :) Thankfully, I have a great teacher who is an awesome fly fisherman!!! :)
So, there we have it. When I say near future, I'm thinking the next 2-3years. I think that's a fair time frame. Some are more short term than others - the 5k for example. (Man, typing that makes my heart start to race with nerves!!!! lol) I'll add to it as things get checked off the list. There are other things in my head for my Bucket List. Maybe I'll write all those down in a notebook....
1. Run a 5k - okay, stop laughing. If you know me at all, you probably have heard me say "I don't run unless I'm being chased." Well, I've decided that I'm going to give it a try willingly. lol. I tried last summer but quit after 3 weeks because it hurt. Yes. I'm a wuss. Not this time!! There's a 5k at the end of June here in Cheyenne and I'm becoming more determined to run in it. Am I scared? Terrified!!! Will it hurt? Probably. Can I do it? Absolutely. So, here goes nothing!
2. Learn to snowboard - Since I'm making this list in February, the snow sport season is almost over for now. However, it begins again in November so I have hope for this one! This one will also probably hurt! lol
3. Go down a Black diamond run - to do this, I'm probably going to need to do a little more skiing a little more often. But, one day!!
4. Use my new sewing machine and make myself something cool - a skirt for work, a nice vest, something! :)
5. Do something crazy - I'm not sure what this one will be but I can't wait to find out!!!
6. Lose 20 lbs - this seems like such a girlie one!!! But, it's on the list nonetheless.
7. Visit a new country - don't know if this will happen this year but I think it's definitely doable in the next few years!!
8. Go see a show on Broadway in NYC - I love musicals. Pretty sure I get it from my mom. :) What better place to see a musical than on Broadway?!?!
9. Visit NYC - if I'm going to Broadway, I might as well so see the Statue of Liberty, Central Park, & a few other places right? I mean, why not?! :)
10. Learn to fly fish - I started to learn last year but I have a ways to go before I would say I'm good at it so I figure it's okay to put it on the list for this year. :) Thankfully, I have a great teacher who is an awesome fly fisherman!!! :)
So, there we have it. When I say near future, I'm thinking the next 2-3years. I think that's a fair time frame. Some are more short term than others - the 5k for example. (Man, typing that makes my heart start to race with nerves!!!! lol) I'll add to it as things get checked off the list. There are other things in my head for my Bucket List. Maybe I'll write all those down in a notebook....
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